Scientists Discover Cure for COVID-19 beneath Denver International Airport

By Jeff Stonic, Photo by Jacob Jonas

A press conference held Thursday by some of the hemisphere’s top scientists announced the cure for COVID-19 has been discovered. “Yeah, we ‘discovered’ it,” said Dr. Fauxy. “But it’s under Denver International Airport, so we won’t actually know what it is or how it will work. We just know it’s down there.” When pressed on how this discovery happened, the scientists said they couldn’t speak to that either. “There’s been a lab beneath there for decades, just like the one in Wuhan. But this one’s the good one. The one with the cure,” said one Uber driver on the way to DIA. “And there’s a big lake, too. That’s where all the cured people go swimming.” The Freemasons were unavailable when reached for a comment regarding this story.

Jeff Stonic (like tonic) is a comic from Wisconsin living and working in Denver. With a background in improv comedy, he's appeared twice in the Upright Citizen Brigades' Del Close Marathon and now produces with Deadroom Comedy.

Jacob Jonas is a Denver based comedian and Graphic Artist. He is one of the founders of DeadRoom Comedy, a local comedy production company that produces showcases, open mics and online content within the Denver area.