• Westish Contributor

RiNo and Five Points to Merge Into Triceratops District

By Zeke Herrera

The difference between RiNo and Five Points has become a point of contention among residents lately. Unfortunately, none of that matters anymore as Tricera Co., a Jurassic Park esque corporation, has bought up both districts. The CEO of Tricera Co. Malcolm Hamm held a press conference last week to raise concerns on the subject. He had this to say:

“The main problem with Jurassic Park was it was on an island. Hard to get a stream of revenue going when people have to fly overseas just for one tourist attraction so we’ve decided to bring it here to Denver, which I can assure you Mayor Hancock has been well compensated for. Oh also, the second biggest problem was that T-Rex. Am I right? So we decided to make all the dinosaurs vegetarian. Yes, even the T-Rex but unfortunately it is now deceased. ”

Citizens claimed that the meeting did not address their concerns moments before being ripped apart by decrepit velociraptors. Others claimed that they didn’t find anything funny about the situation until they saw a brontosaurus defiling a construction crane.

While the quippy nature of the district renaming does seem unintentional for now, as always we will keep you posted as details further.

Zeke’s a guy, he’s got a bunch of stuff but he does not want you touching it. As a matter o’fact don’t even look at it.

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