Reduced Pollution Allows Dog Food Smell to Reach Fort Collins
All over the globe nature is taking back what humans stole away. The lack of boat traffic has made the normally murky water in Venice canals go clear faster than Leah Remini leaving Scientology. Elephants took a stroll through a village in Yunnan, China, drinking gallons of corn wine and passing out in a nearby tea garden. "It's been really amazing to see nature take back it's habitat." said a Yunnan wine maker while carefully poking an intoxicated elephant. "We had no idea what we were going to do with the corn wine anyway. Just because you can make wine with vegetables doesn't mean you should." Denver has not been left out for these stunning returns of Mother Nature. The rapid boom in new residents has forced the once prominent Purina Dog Food scent to seclude in North Denver, with occasional sightings(smellings) Downtown. Of course this was bound to happen with Purina's natural enemies being dank kush, extra hopped IPAs, and Patagonia jackets. Due to the outbreak of Covid-19 there has been a lack of Uber traffic, and no new influx of hopeful budtenders flooding to Denver. This has led to the native scent not just returning, it has also begun to flourish and even expand. Last Friday we had our first smelling in Fort Collins, 60 miles north of the Purina plant. "Like... what even was that'' said 23 year old, 5th year sophomore at CSU, Clayton Kent. The archeology major continued, "I went to frolf and check to see if Raising Cane's was hiring, and it just smelled different. It smelled exactly like when my mom would feed my huskies, you know?" (We do, Clayton). Kevin Thomas, owner of Kombucha-cha-cha, a kombucha and salsa dance theater in Lakewood is the founder of the Facebook group Go Outside at 7 PM and Smell Old Denver. "I really missed that feeling you would get when taking your out of town friends to Red Rocks and having to explain what that smell was. I thought that would never come back." Greeley has not been affected.
Hailing from Buffalo, NY, Denver comedian Jeremy Pysher has an affinity for cheap beer, flannels, and terrible sports teams. Combining his love for comedy and partying, Pysher is an owner of the bar Wide Right where he hosts and produces the standup show Shantytown, and is the joke half of the Joke and Destroy live show and podcast. You can follow Jeremy down Colfax and on all social media platforms at @jeremypysher and @WideRightDenver