• Westish Contributor

Quarantine Gives Denver Pub Enough Time To Finally Hose Down Bar Mats

By Meghan DePonceau Denver staple, the Paperclip Pub, has been packed full of patrons for the past three decades. Nothing has been able to shut this bar down, not wind, nor rain, the owner’s ex with a shotgun or an overwhelmingly strong & resilient strain of chlamydia. Year in and year out, this bar has been a bird’s nest to all of Denver’s broken little eggs, until Covid -19 hit and Clippy was forced to close faster than Microsoft Assistant on a gramaticially incorrect suicide note. Lead Bartender Jenny Wash explained “I’ve been working here for seven years, and it was really scary when we closed. It was more terrifying when the boss called me in to do something he called a deep cleaning, I didn’t know what that was, I thought it was some cool new code word for drugs.” When questioned on what “side work” employees were expected to complete, she responded “We never really had much use for cleaning, most customers bring their own spit cups from home. Jeez… Johnny has been using the same cup for 30 years, who knows if he washes it?” After employees of Paperclip Pub made social media posts about cleaning out the bar after it was closed, regular patrons were confused. Folks who frequented the pub unanimously agreed they considered alcohol as a disinfectant and one patron was convinced “the way these drunks bartend, they spill so much, it felt like everything was clean” Ryan Sanders, a part time door man at the pub explained “ I didn’t even know there was something like a bar mat down there. The whole floor was black, when we picked up the mats it looked like a blacked out bingo board, as if Johnny Cash had just won Connect Four against a ghost.” After the bar mats were taken out back and hosed down, bar owner Peter Finnes was proud to announce “We are excited for the opportunity at sanitization and computers, and all the other crap these millennials are obsessed with. Heck, we might even try accepting credit cards soon.”

Made from embers of the lovable Dumpster Fire that is Buffalo New York Meghan DePonceau has blood made of Frank's Red Hot & the spicy mouth to prove it. For her passions of giggle making & hooch slinging, DePonceau opened Wide Right, a bar and comedy venue in the Ballpark neighborhood of Denver, CO

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