• Westish Contributor

Polis Extends Alcohol Curfew to 11, Asks that You Text if You're Going to be Late

By Evan Smith

In a press conference August 21st Governor Jared Polis extended last call to 11 pm, effective Saturday, August 22nd. Governor Polis was quoted as saying, “Everyone has been doing so well with the 10 pm curfew, I thought that maybe it was time to give them a little more responsibility to see how they can handle it. I only ask that they text me if they’re going to be a little late so that I don’t stay up all night worrying.”

While marking this as a joyous occasion, the governor took on a more serious tone when outlining his plan for implementation. “I don’t want anybody thinking this means I’ve suddenly become the ‘Cool Governor,’ or stopped caring about Colorado residents getting a full 8 hours on a school night,” the Governor continued, “What this means is that I’m trusting you to make good choices and make it home on time after consuming alcohol in close proximity to one another.”

Just a month ago the governor effectively grounded the state, prohibiting alcohol sales after 10pm. He was quoted as saying that it was due to, “Disappointing test scores as well as concerning use of residents’ free time.” When asked for specific examples he shook his head and commented, “Let’s just say it’ll be a long time before they see another late night in LoDo.”

The governor ended his press conference on an optimistic note. After being asked if he was proud of Colorado and how they’ve handled the past month he agreed that he was, and that if they kept going on this track that perhaps he’ll, “Reward them with another curfew extension, or maybe even a concert venue or two.”

Evan is a stand-up comic in Denver who also writes software on the side (full-time). He can usually be found taking pictures of his dog and/or showing people (his wife) pictures he’s taken of his dog.

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