Mt. Sherman Loses 14er Status After Found to be 2,808 7th Graders Standing on Each Others Shoulders
The Director of Colorado Parks and Wildlife, Dan Prenzlow, announced this week that Mount Sherman has officially had its 14er status revoked after being discovered to be 2,808 7th graders standing on each other’s shoulders.
“Suspicion of Mount Sherman arose earlier this month when hikers complained that instead of hearing the gentle whispers of the wind blowing along the trails, they would hear the faint whispers of teenage girls claiming that Jimmy Pirozzolli asked Caitlin E. to the dance even though he promised Ashley R. that he would go with her first,” said Prenzlow. “Some hikers even heard that Ashley R. had her mom buy her a dress already,” he added.
Colorado Parks & Wildlife has been on high alert for such tomfoolery ever since last March when the famous Colorado ghost town, St. Elmo, turned out to be a kid in a sheet.
“After a thorough investigation that included a deep reexamination of the mountain’s geological make-up and yelling at it, ‘Hey! Are you a bunch of friggin’ kids!?’, we were able to determine that Mount Sherman is not a majestic 14,403-foot mountain, but simply a group of children who will undoubtedly have to retake 7th grade,” Prenzlow confirmed.
The agency used similar tactics to debunk the rumor that Mount Evans was just the Coal Ridge High School Varsity Cheer Squad in a pyramid formation earlier this year.
“It is never easy to find out that a beloved 14er is just 2,808 7th graders standing on each other’s shoulders,” admitted an emotional Prenzlow. “But we will continue to fight to preserve the beauty of this great state and prove that Colorado’s wonderful landscape is not just a bunch of precocious teens strategically placed in humorously outlandish positions.”
I was able to sit down with all 2,808 7th graders for Westish to try to find out what the motivation was behind this stunt, but they all started talking at once, and honestly I wasn’t in the mood for that shit.
Tyler is a comedy writer and award-winning filmmaker currently based in Denver, Colorado. His short films have screened in festivals across the globe and his comedy writing has been published on websites across the internet. Tyler now runs a production company with his buddy Ben. Ben’s a really good guy, you’d like him too.