• Westish Contributor

Local Man Forced to Summit 14er a Second Time after Forgetting Cardboard Sign in Car

By Steve Vanderploeg

Westish News recently interviewed the man who considers himself a hero.

“Sure it was a long day, but in the end, it was totally worth it” said local Denverite Bryson Heicher, who recently ascended the same fourteener twice in the same day. “I spent four hours climbing to the top just to take a new picture for my tinder profile, so when I reached in my backpack, and realized that it wasn’t in there, I was totally embarrassed. I must’ve left my sign in my Subaru parked at the bottom like a total chud. I had made the sign the night before out of cardboard and Sharpie, and wrote the elevation and date on it, which I think is pretty damn awesome, if you ask me, Bro. Ask me if I like the sign I made. I love the sign I made.” Bryson stated as he reached out his fist for me to bump.

After bumping his fist, he continued “If I don’t have the sign, it’s like what’s even the point, ya know? The sign lets everyone know what altitude I’m at. Without that I could’ve just claimed I had hiked any mountain. The date matters too, because I want single women to know that I’m still actively climbing. If the picture looks like it was from last year, guess what, everyone is swiping left. I’m not about that game. Everyone’s gotta know that I’m currently fit, so I can get some.” 

It should be noted that at this time of his rant, Bryson stopped speaking only to get up and change tank tops. While in the other room Bryson continued talking about himself, “That’s like so awesome that I get to have my own article about me. Chicks totally dig that. Can you put some of my special interests in there? I like nature and gyms, but i also like pedal bars and beer pong. Oh and Pitbull is my favorite artist!”

When we were able to finally get a word in, we asked Bryson if he had any advice to someone interested in hiking up a mountain. He responded, “The point is that it doesn’t really matter what mountain you climb in life, as long as it’s over 14,000 feet.”

Bryson also noted, “It was a good thing I was so determined to get that new pic. When I got to the top I saw I had totally left my house keys up there!”

Steve Vanderploeg is a stand-up comedian based in Denver, Colorado where he is a regular at Comedy Works, and creator of Rotating Tap Comedy.

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