• Westish Contributor

Guy Who Just Moved Here "Heartbroken" About 3 Kings Closing

By Kira MagCalen

Locals know 3 Kings Tavern as the epitome of the Denver alt scene, a crown jewel of UMS and one of the proudest, longest standing underground venues in Denver. Many are still shaken from the loss of highly supportive DIY space, a room that held no prejudice and housed as equals aspiring musicians, the world’s friendliest dog, and a comedy open mic once heckled by a random man auctioning off books by philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein. But no one sang the praises of the long-standing Denver institution quite like Paul Matthews, who had relocated to Denver a year ago after graduating from Missouri State. Matthews stated that fresh air, fun and “generally good vibes” were his main reasons for moving. But after settling in at his new high rise condo and witnessing the changing business landscape from above, Matthews is now critical of the Denver population, particularly people who moved here “eight months ago” and refuse to shop, live, and love local. Matthews, a man apparently so devoid of self awareness he’s unable to show up in mirrors, voiced his complaints in a lengthy Facebook status last Wednesday. Many of Matthews’ friends were quick to point out his obvious blindspot, but had to reluctantly admit they too had moved here relatively recently and had a real boner for trendy pop up venues, food trucks and restaurants with edison bulb lighting. “I went to breweries right by there all the time,” recounted Matthews in his post, where he tagged 3 Kings and, inexplicably, his ex-roommate’s cousin. “It’s a shame all these people came from out of state and just didn’t patronize the places that are really the reason Denver is so cool. Famous people probably played there before they got famous, and it’s probably where firefighters and nurses hung out. But these transplants just don’t care. If they did, all this local history might have lasted another 20, 30, 32 years.” Clueless blowhards notwithstanding, the independent spirit of 3 Kings Tavern will forever live on in the hearts and minds of all the burgeoning artists who found their path on that stage, or lost it once or twice after drinking one too many tallboys. We asked a few Denver residents to share some of their favorite moments at 3 Kings: “I was excited to see my friend’s band play at 3 Kings for their first live show because there I could play pool or pinball in case they sucked” -- Richard R, 32, Governor’s Park “There were no mirrors in the bathroom so I had to reflect on who I was as a person. I’m gonna miss that” -- Melanie G, 24, Baker “Such a great space. I loved standing in the middle of that gigantic room, getting drunk off my tits, and then just putting my arms out like an airplane and going “NYEEEEER” without hitting anybody. Also, best Burlesque in town!” - Katie D, 30, Capitol Hill “I’m going to miss getting carded every single time I walk into a place even though I’m 48.” -- Johnny L., 48, City Park “3 Kings? 3 Kings isn’t closing. What do you mean it’s closing? Is this some kind of sick joke? You’re a bad reporter! You’re not funny and you suck!” -- Ashley N, 22, Highlands

Kira MagCalen is a comedian, artist and tiny monster from Denver Colorado. Currently she runs the blog Turbulent Flow and might be standing right behind you.

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