• Westish Contributor

God No Longer a Broncos Fan as Sunsets are Now Red and Grey

By Cody Ullrich

If you have lived in Denver for any length of time, you have been stuck in traffic, and if you have been stuck in traffic in Denver, you have seen this bumper sticker- “If God isn’t a Broncos fan, Why are Sunsets Orange and Blue?”

This point provided unshakable evidence that God is not only a football fan, but specifically a Denver Broncos fan. In a shocking turn, God has jumped onto a new bandwagon. After watching three consecutive losing seasons, God appears to now favor a team newly led by America’s douchey big brother, Tom Brady. Tampa Bay Buccaneers fans rejoice as sunsets are now red and grey, signifying God’s new favorite team.

Perhaps this change in fandom started following the Broncos’ decision to trade Tim Tebow in 2012, when smoke from wildfires filled the air, changing sunsets until Peyton Manning proved himself in a blue and orange jersey. While Manning did not kneel and pray after each touchdown, God had to admit he was pretty fun to watch and changed sunsets back to blue and orange during the Broncos’ dominant years running through 2016. Broncos fans appreciated God’s patience as he waited to see what happened in the following years, but after witnessing offensive struggles and a rotating cast of quarterbacks including drama with Brock Osweiler, duds like Paxton Lynch, and a failed experiment in Case Keenum, the Everlasting Father decided it was time to move on. Honestly, who can blame him?

Broncos fans now look in dismay to John Elway in hopes that he will figure out how to be a competent GM and regain the favor of the Lord. Very literally- for the love of Christ, do something, Elway!

Cody Ullrich is a Denver-born writer, comedian, and musician.

204 views0 comments