Despite No Football in Months, Garrett Bolles Flagged for Offensive Holding
Updated: May 19, 2020
Even with the 2020 NFL season in question, Broncos offensive tackle Garret Bolles is putting in work off the field. Jonatan Busch, 34 of Centennial, said he saw a large man at the end of the aisle at the Highlands Ranch Target. "He was excited about the new flavors of pop tarts. Then he yelled 'Trix are for kids, stay AWAY from my quarterback' and just kind of bear hugged me. It wasn't scary or anything, just disappointing." Security cameras show; Bolles is in midseason form. The former first round pick bursted off the line squaring up to Busch, before wrapping him up and tugging on his shirt like a toddler who wants candy. "Who was that guy?" Asked Busch, while clad in a faded orange Demaryius Thomas jersey. "I've led the league in holding the last 3 years, I mean I'm pretty good." Said a confident Bolles. "Coach Munchak says I need to get better. So I'm practicing everywhere I go. Gotta keep my eyes on the prize. So I went to Target." When asked about his 5th year option Bolles stated. "They'll keep me. You might even say they'll hold on to me. I put up 4 holding penalties in a single half last year. No one has ever done that." The Broncos have declined Bolles' 5th year option.
Hailing from Buffalo, NY, Denver comedian Jeremy Pysher has an affinity for cheap beer, flannels, and terrible sports teams. Combining his love for comedy and partying, Pysher is an owner of the bar Wide Right where he hosts and produces the standup show Shantytown, and is the joke half of the Joke and Destroy live show and podcast. You can follow Jeremy down Colfax and on all social media platforms at @jeremypysher and @WideRightDenver