• Westish Contributor

Denver Voted Best City to Find Love (and Then Find out He’s Poly)

By Hannah Jones

For many years in a row, Global touring series The Great Love Debate has given Denver consistently low marks in the dating arena. We have even been crowned the “worst city for finding love” twice since 2007. You might have read this popular quote from the podcast in 303 Magazine:

“Denver sees itself as an active city, which is true. They are actively getting worse at dating and relationships. Denver men? The epicenter of bad bro culture — bearded, unkempt, and disinterested — content to lead to an existence built around pot, porn and Playstation — all washed down with overrated craft beer.”

However, in a revised ruling, the series also named us the best city to find love, and then find out he’s poly.

We talked to local dater Michelle Statner about the award, she had this to say: “Denver is notoriously a terrible place to find love, but it’s not because it’s actually hard to find someone to love, it’s moreso because that person is usually ‘poly.’

She continued, “I was actually under the impression that ‘poly’ was short for ‘polyamorous,’ or the practice of ethical nonmonogamy, but it turns out, in Denver, it’s actually short for ‘has white dreads and hasn’t had STD testing in over 5 years’.”

Eager to cover both sides of the issue, we spoke with Brian Wu, who practices local non-monogamy in the area, which we discovered because he was heard loudly talking about it in a Cap Hill coffee shop. “I just can’t be tied down at the moment,” he said when we asked if he had a moment to chat.

“No, seriously,” we responded, “it’ll just take a second.”

“Yeah, but everyone wants one moment and then sooner or later you completely lose yourself and your desires to these commitments. These obligations are unnatural and socially constructed.”

FACT CHECK: we were unable to find anyone who was also asking him if he could chat for a moment

Hannah is the founder and Editor-in-Chief of Westish News. She is a writer, improvisor, and stand up comedian based in Denver, CO, and you can find more of her satire writing on her personal website, HannahJonesCool.com (because she is very cool.)

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