Denver Mint Actually Tastes Like Bricks
By Michael Jeffries
The Denver Mint was opened in 1863, and is open for daily tours. One would think that such a long standing establishment would be a pillar of the confectionary community.
Nothing could be further from the truth, and Coloradans with a sweet tooth should stay far far away from this den of lies.
A Denver local, who has asked to remain anonymous, has shared his tale of when he tasted this building.
"I've tasted it, sure. It had weighed on my mind for so long I couldn't think of much else. Then one night I snuck past the gate. I unsheathed my trembling tongue from yearning lips hoping to taste glory, but no. Only brick."
"I wish I had died that night."
It doesn't get much better inside. When Westish sent our food critic, Tony Pepperoni, on a tour of the facility he had this to say:
"They make all kinds of mints in there. Gold, silver, bronze. Silver is usually one of my favorite flavors, but when I tried one I found it to be much too musty and hard to chew. After tasting a mint fresh off the assembly line, I was sternly asked to leave."
When reached for comment at the time of this article, all the Denver Mint had to say for their misdeeds was "We make coins. Please leave us alone.
Michael Jeffries is originally from Iowa, but things have gotten better since then.