• Westish Contributor

Denver Dispensaries Collaborate on THC Infused Covid-19 Tests

By Meghan DePonceau

A team of six Denver dispensaries have joined forces to create what they call “the perfect product for current times”, a marijuana laced finger prick Coronavirus Test. Developers of the project claim “The Tincture Test” gives immediate results and doses 100MG of Colorado’s Finest THC rapidly into the customer’s blood system. “Now, these tests might not give you correct coronavirus results, but they will get you high... very high,” explains Dispensary Owner Bill Meyers, “I just took one a half hour ago, and I feel great. I can’t wait to take another test later.” He also goes on to explain why they have designed all THC Infused Test Kits to deliver false Negatives, “Customers love marijuana & they don’t like coronavirus. We figured people would enjoy their high better if they thought they tested negative for the virus. This whole Corona thing is a pretty big bummer and this is how we thought we could help the community.” Tincture Tests sold out quicker than a Phish concert at Red Rocks. Local marijuana user Tommy Solvoski proclaimed “BEST HIGH EVER, I’m stoned and like… totally healthy. I can't wait to drive from Denver to my grandparents in rural Kansas to hand out all these weed tests at their old folks home. Their town has not yet been exposed yet!” Even though Denver residents want to get high on good news, Colorado Infectious Disease Doctor Alan Wittles is begging Denver Residents to reconsider, “There are plenty of other ways to get high, hell smoke weed up your butt, is that a thing yet? But, please stop buying these tests, they are placebos and accomplish no actual testing” Dr. Wittles plans to sue this conglomeration of dispensaries selling this product for false advertising, as soon as he gets a free moment from the overcrowded hospitals. Future products for their exclusive THC Infused Coronavirus line include: Grass Mask, Sativa Sanitizer & Hand Washed Joints.

Made from embers of the lovable Dumpster Fire that is Buffalo New York Meghan DePonceau has blood made of Frank's Red Hot & the spicy mouth to prove it. For her passions of giggle making & hooch slinging, DePonceau opened Wide Right, a bar and comedy venue in the Ballpark neighborhood of Denver, CO

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