• Westish Contributor

Denver Days Cancelled Due to All Days Being Indistinguishable from One Another

By Zeke Herrera

As a long standing tradition in Denver, Denver Days promotes community building, drunkenly eating green chili fries and killing time with friends and family. Unfortunately, this year it’s more apparent than ever that time is a construct unshackled by the bonds of mortality and my neighbors suck ass. Green chili fries are still pretty good though.

Mayor Hancock won’t officially be cancelling Denver Days and instead will just be ostracizing the only parts people care about, leaving some parade floats. Although Corona forcing the cities hand on mask and social distancing ordinances would seem the likely culprit for the non-official cancellation, a city official had this to say:

“I just don’t think people even know it’s August. These days don’t feel as Denver as they used to, I just sit in my apartment every day, which could be in Boulder for all I know at this point.”

It seems COVID may be harder to cancel than Jerry Seinfeld, but while trying to circumnavigate this unforeseeable future lets not forget to address the slow march of time weighing down our souls. Now is the time to work on you; there’s a lot of new stuff going on but you don’t need to take it home with you like Seinfeld at homecoming dance.

While the current situation can go fuck itself it’s important to know that one day we’ll be back better than ever and when that happens I’m throwing a big ass party at my house! I mean, as always we will keep you informed as the situation develops.

Zeke’s a guy, he’s got a bunch of stuff but he does not want you touching it. As a matter o’fact don’t even look at it.

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