Coors Buys Craft Breweries’ Expired Beer To Water Down and Sell As Coors Light
Coors’ Brewery beloved slogan “This is our beer” is known by mountain men & city folk alike. Brady Broski, head of Coors Marketing/GetEm’Drunk department argues “Yeah, but that’s more in the sense of like… the royal we. Coors owns most of Colorado, so all the crap they’re brewing out there, it’s ours! Just like a dude too drunk to finish his own beer, DIBS!”
After an involintary tour of all his trophies from high school, Broski continued “Coors isn’t so much a brewery as it is a big factory that adds water to the shit beers all the locals were too chicken to sell” Alarmingly, he followed the statement by challenging a wall to chug a pint of beer faster than him, which Broski won
The obviously intoxicated Mr. Broski insisted we continue the interview whilst he proclaimed he was “going streaking”. Except he just took his shirt off and drunkenly called his mother to ask if she still had his Guitar Hero 2 game, then passed out mid call.
In his sleep, Broski muttered the following nonsense:
“We like to take a Trve Ratio of Upslope to Station 26 on our way to Grandma’s House. Once in a Blue Moon the Chain Reaction may Call To Arms some Oskar Blues. Renegade Brewing is Our Mutual Friend and we should wear Black Shirts over Crazy Mountain to an Oasis, now that’s a Banquet!”
Our journalist team did not take the free samples on the way out.
Made from embers of the lovable Dumpster Fire that is Buffalo New York Meghan DePonceau has blood made of Frank's Red Hot & the spicy mouth to prove it. For her passions of giggle making & hooch slinging, DePonceau opened Wide Right, a bar and comedy venue in the Ballpark neighborhood of Denver, CO