• Westish Contributor

Colorado Rapids Increase Number of Season Ticket Holders to Four

By Brad Galli Sports news has been hard to come by during the Coronavirus Pandemic, and any MLS news is hard to come by at any time. What is the MLS you ask? It is an acronym that stands for Major League Soccer. What’s soccer you ask? Who cares? Apparently, Denver has one of these "soccer" teams, and I guess they have uniforms, and a stadium and everything. The team is called the Rapids, and it looks like they have actually been here since the 90’s. Who knew? The Rapids, of course, haven’t been playing games recently due to the quarantine, but Kroenke Sports Entertainment- the Rapids ownership group that also owns the Avalanche, Nuggets, and Mammoth…. wait, the Mammoth? Who the hell are the Mammoth? We don’t have time for this. KSE group put out a press release yesterday welcoming the club's fourth season ticket holder in the club’s 24 year history. The team’s newest season ticket holder is Brent Vasquez, a 44 year old project manager from Lakewood. We reached out to Mr. Vasquez to see what it meant to him to be the Colorado Rapid’s fourth season ticket holder in team history. “What? I bought season tickets to what? A soccer team? Denver has a soccer team?” said Vasquez. “I thought I was buying a package to take me and my family rafting on the Colorado rapids. This sucks. I need to get a refund right now.” Mr. Vasquez reached out to KSE and asked for a refund via phone. According to Vasquez, once he explained the situation to the person on the other end, they reportedly laughed out loud and hung up the phone. We reached out to KSE to confirm if this was true. An employee with KSE, who wished to not be named, gave a statement. “Of course it’s true. You think we care one bit about our fans or human beings in general at Kroenke Sports Entertaiment? My boss, Stan Kroenke, is basically a Batman villain.” Unable to get his money back, Mr. Vasquez said that his next step is to google “soccer” and see what’s it all about. “I’ve never really heard of the game before this mix up,” said Vasquez. “But hopefully it’s something me and the whole family can get into. Hey, maybe it’s a sport with a lot of scoring! I love big numbers.”

Brad Galli is comedian, foodrunner and baseball enthusiast based in Denver, CO. He hosts and produces a comedy show called Study Hall the last Wednesday of every month at Call To Arms Brewing

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