• Westish Contributor

Casa Bonita Cliff Diver Injured While Working from Home

By Cody Ullrich Casa Bonita knows just as well as any Denverite that nobody goes there for the food. People go for the atmosphere, the mariachi bands, and to get to second base in Black Bart’s cave. In the Covid-19 era, when restaurants are offering take out services to stay afloat, Casa Bonita looks for creative options to engage customers. “We found Cheez Whiz quesadillas weren’t exactly flying off the grill when we opened up to-go orders,” said a Casa Bonita cook. “People love our sopapillas, but they only want them when they get to raise a little flag to harass our waiters first. We need to bring the Casa Bonita experience into people’s homes if we want to sell orders.” To replicate the experience, pickup orders now come packaged with a tiny sombrero and a Zoom link to a cliff diving show that runs every hour starting at 11:30 AM. Walter Waters, a cliff diver currently working from home, explained his decision to continue diving. “You would be surprised at how tight the cliff diving job market is in Colorado,” Waters told reporters. “Diving for Casa Bonita is the diving equivalent of being in the Rockettes and I am not about to let my position be taken by some second-rate cannonball dumping hack that is chomping at the bit to replace me.” Unfortunately for Waters, the world famous Tropical Lagoon at Casa Bonita will not fit in his backyard. Instead, the intuitive cliff diver invested in an above-ground swimming pool. A lack of Acapulco inspired cliffs demanded further creativity. Using available resources, Waters erected a 30-foot-high stack of milk cartons parallel to the pool. Watching the harrowing act of climbing the makeshift cliffside proved to be half the fun of the show. On Thursday, Zoom participants were shocked as an accident occurred during Water’s attempt at a double front flip. Under-rotating after a shaky collapse of milk cartons, Waters experienced what onlookers described as “the worst belly flop [they] have ever seen”. Pulling himself from the pool with a crimson red tummy, the cliff diver laid in the grass repeatedly crying “owwie” as Zoom participants logged out to avoid the traumatic sight. This accident was covered by Casa Bonita’s exceptional health insurance and Waters is recovering well.

Cody Ullrich is a Denver-born writer, comedian, and musician.

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