• Westish Contributor

Aurora PD on Enforcing Mask Mandate: “If we see teeth, We’re Knockin’ Them out!”

By Evan Johnson


The famously intoxicated Aurora Police Department took a surprising stance on the mask mandate that Gov. Polis put into effect just under a week ago.


A visibly hungover Police Chief Wilson stated: “I agree, you are a selfish bastard if you don’t wear your mask. A real dumbf**k. A piece of s**t, and a f**k-t**d who deserves a baton to the face! HYAH! HYAH!” The Chief then brandished his ASP at onlooking reporters, who could smell whiskey through his and their masks.


“If we see teeth, we’re knocking them out!” Wilson exclaimed at one point. When asked if James Holmes having a mask on is what led to his extremely calm arrest following the 2012 AMC massacre, the chief ordered his men to fire less-lethal rounds and tear gas into the crowd of reporters.


Evan Johnson is a comedian out of Denver, Colorado. He will never die. Hail Johnson.

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