• Westish Contributor

After Re-Opening, Sheridan High School Changes Mascot to Sacrificial Ram

By Mark Brimble


“Our schools must re-open,” said the Sheridan Schools Superintendent, from an underground bunker on a zoom meeting.


The school board decided to reopen the school and change their mascot in the traditional manner: Two board members at a time faced each other and, in a full sprint, collided headfirst into each other. The last one standing, and new head of the School board, Bernadette Saleh, came out on top


After “baa’ing” in triumph, Saleh stated. “Skoolz opun 4-eva”


Reactions to the mascot change have varied.


“I like it,” said one senior, Miguel Acosta. “It reminds me that somebody always has to take the fall and that I can be celebrated for being that guy.”


The new school board president and uncontested ruler stated, “If you look at the numbers, there’s been 55K cases of COVID in Colorado and a school’s re-opening is statistically unlikely to get me sick.”


After brushing the dirt off of her shoulder, she pointed back to the statistics to illustrate her obvious point.


Mark Brimble is a scientist, not a comedian.

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